that was something. Please help.

src/chapters/04-b-monsterseverywhere.tex

@@ -77,13 +77,18 @@ blonde floating upside down.
 "Anna, I presume," I offered as I forced myself to relax.  "You could warn a
 girl before just barging into her head-space."
 
+The space became weirdly calm, no longer reflecting my thoughts instants at a
+time.
+
 "But where would the fun in that be?" she asked, sticking her tongue out in a
-playful manner.
+playful manner.  Little bubbles of Anna's face intruded on my vision before
+disappearing again.
 
 "What's with the corporate love?" I asked, frankly.
 
 "No love," she giggled, "just trying to throw a wrench in the other deities'
-plans so I can go back to my set of universes."
+plans so I can go back to my set of universes."  Vast trees of light sprouted
+and disappeared.  Much like lightning, but somehow much more complex.
 
 "Your set of universes?" I asked, confused.  There were other universes?  But
 why?  I mean, science said it might be possible, but we were nowhere near
@@ -97,47 +102,81 @@ you think the free states exist at all?  If it weren't for me, corporations
 would rule every inch of this hellscape."
 
 "Alter timelines?" I asked, alarm radiating through every ounce of my voice.
+My headspace was reflecting my alarm, bubbling up slightly in obtuse ways,
+showing me all sorts of 'what ifs' that could have happened.
 
 "Yes," she replied, "but alas, I can't just say 'no more technomage dragon god'
-in this universe.  By the way, I haven't taken care of that issue, but at least
+in this universe."  A dragon burst forth, its large form threatening to pin me
+to the ground.  Its hot breath left me ghasping for air.  Its metalic scales
+bending what little light there was in ways that didn't quite make sense.
+
+I screeched at the dragon's sudden appearance.  I could see Anna's smirk from
+around the beast before it disappeared.
+
+"By the way," Anna continued, "I haven't taken care of that issue, but at least
 she doesn't control every aspect of technomancy here.  In fact, killing her in
 this universe could cause a massive schism that would end all life.  Fucked
 that one up one too many times in my own timeline."
 
+Earth as I knew it was suspended above me.  It was a perfect marble of blues,
+greens, and whites.  As I watched it, it slowly turned more red, the oceans
+dried and the clouds thinned.
+
+"Magic is wildly interlinked," she laughed.
+
 "There's a dragon somewhere that can control all 'technomancy'?" I asked,
 bewildered, "what the hell even \emph{is} technomancy?"
 
-"Oh my young fledgling," she cooed, "you'll hopefully never meet one.  They
-exist far beyond the stars at this moment.  Due to the expansion of your
-universe, its hopeful your entire species will never have to meet them."
+"Oh my young fledgling," she cooed, "you'll hopefully never meet someone who
+can use it.  They exist far beyond the stars at this moment.  Due to the
+expansion of your universe, its hopeful your entire species will never have to
+meet them."
+
+I began seeing flashes of a new planet far different and much larger than the
+Earth I knew.
 
 "There's life beyond the stars?" I asked, I didn't think I could be any more
 alarmed, but it seemed my patron deity was just dropping bombshell after
 bombshell on my fragile psyche.
 
 "Gods yes," she laughed, "you thought you were all alone here in this big ol'
-universe?  Pah.  The Kirtischians would wipe this sorry excuse for humanity
-into oblivion.  If they could ever figure out how to tear a hole through
-space-time, that is.  Luckily, every other deity also appears to take the
-stance on them that I do: don't let them touch anything they already haven't."
+universe?  Pah."  Bubbles of human-like figures towering over me flashed by
+before Anna explained further.
 
-"So humanity is better where you're from?" I asked, suddenly relieved that
-humanity was at least doing better in some other universe.
+"The Kirtischians would wipe this sorry excuse for humanity into oblivion.  If
+they could ever figure out how to tear a hole through space-time, that is."  A
+spacecraft was flying by, then suddenly disappeared in its entirety.  My brain
+latched on to 'sorry excuse for humanity'.  It was a phrase that gave me an odd
+hope.
+
+"Luckily, every other deity also appears to take the stance on them that I do:
+don't let them touch anything they already haven't."
+
+"So humanity is better where you're from?" I asked.
 
 "Yes and no," she began to explain, "gods above, I haven't talked about my own
 origins in this much detail since the first mage I made."  She materialized a
-chair next to me and lounged in it.  
+chair next to me and lounged in it.  I wasn't sure if she had influence over my
+mind or if I was sharing mind space with her.
 
 "In my universe, the one I was able to cultivate from its very inception,
 humanity wouldn't 'just happen'.  I tried so many things, but from the
-beginning to the end, humanity never showed up.  So I caused a few malfunctions
-on Kirtiscian spacecraft and crash-landed them on Earth to finally jumpstart
-humanity.  After that, I was able to gently nudge the right people into power
-and Earth, by the time it all ended, was finally populated by humans that had
-setup a true utopia.
+beginning to the end, humanity never showed up."
+
+Another vision of Earth appeared before me.  The continents looked like they
+were in different positions to what I knew them as, but it was at least
+iconically Earth.  I saw a spaceship crash into one of the continents.
+
+"So I caused a few malfunctions on Kirtiscian spacecraft and crash-landed them
+on Earth to finally jumpstart humanity.  After that, I was able to gently nudge
+the right people into power and Earth, by the time it all ended, was finally
+populated by humans that had setup a true utopia."
+
+Many spaceports appeared around the planet as the continents moved.  It was
+beautiful.
 
 "How many timelines did you shave off into oblivion to get that to work?" I
-asked.  My lack of trust in people clearly showing through.
+asked.  My lack of trust in people clearly showing through my awe.
 
 "More than you could count, but less than infinity," she laughed, "of course,
 that's a lot less than I thought, too."
@@ -158,6 +197,18 @@ face.
 like you, actually.  Just, a lot more into maths.  That was so many years ago,
 though.  Many universes worth of time ago, actually."
 
+I saw glimpses of her memories.  Her past.  They looked nearly faded, like she
+was trying to hold on to them.  I could see tears in her eyes.  The space
+looked like it was shrinking.
+
+I felt the agoraphobia of infinite time.  And I felt the most lonely I'd ever
+been.  I felt the feelings of her excitement the first time she kissed another
+woman.  I felt her casual indifference from her first kiss from a man.  I felt
+her loss when her love was taken from her.
+
+I \emph{felt} her.  What it was to be her before she ascended.  Before I could
+feel any more, whatever connection let me feel her feelings faded.
+
 That was a lot.  A lot to take in.  A lot to process.  That was a lot.  I mean,
 the fact that I was sitting there talking to an actual goddess was also a lot,
 so I suppose my idea of 'a lot' was suddenly very broken.
@@ -203,8 +254,8 @@ sense."
 "Fair, but my point still stands," she giggled playfully.  Again, treating me
 like I was a pawn in a game.  I didn't like it.
 
-"We're people," I said, "we all have feelings, and we shouldn't be played
-with."
+"We're people," I said, "we all have feelings just as real as yours, and we
+shouldn't be played with."
 
 She gave me a puzzled look before realizing that my mindspace was becoming more
 violent in its shifting thoughts.  She nodded and was gone in an instant.
@@ -213,3 +264,8 @@ Some goddess.  Using people for playthings to enact her will in the world.  At
 least she was a lot more limited here than wherever the hell she came from.
 And to be using us to get home was simply shameful.
 
+I finally slumped down and cried, the space reflecting my suddenly
+deteriorating facade of composure.  Maybe this was a good way to get
+introspection on myself.  Maybe it was a decent way to disappear forever,
+forgetting the outside world.
+