From paper to wire, with a few upgrades.
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The world warped. First it was pain. Then it wasn't. I had form; I could feel
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it and its changes, its horrifying and very incomfortable changes.
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The world warped.
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It had stopped an instant after it happened.
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First it was pain.
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I knew I shouldn't have synced my virtual and physical bodies, but I really
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just wanted to see for myself. I figured my implant couldn't get a read on my
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const volatile fucking form and flipped out.
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Then it wasn't.
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I had form.
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I could feel its changes.
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Its horrifying and very incomfortable changes.
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An instant later, it stopped.
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I knew I shouldn't have synced my physical and virtual bodies, but I really
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wanted to see for myself.
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I figured my implant couldn't get a read on my const volatile fucking form and
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flipped out.
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Reminder to ask Lucere about that.
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I opened my eyes and colours pierced me. I could not describe the impossibility
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I bore witness to; it would be like explaining technology to a housecat. Also
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my headache came back in full.
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I opened my eyes and colours pierced into me. I couldn't describe the
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impossibility I bore witness to; it would be like teaching a housecat
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technology.
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I groaned. "What in the fuck did I do that for?" With a fuzzy head I sat
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up. Chromatic impossibility aside, the room was mostly the same, save the
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pretty woman slumped over on a chair to my right.
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Anyway my headache came back in full and I groaned. "What in the fuck did I do
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that for?"
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Her shoulder-length hair looked an ever-so-slightly off-white with several
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highlights of yet another eldritch impossibility. Slivers of hair framed a
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rounded face and her eyes glowed a blue familiar and yet alien.
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With a fuzzy head I sat up. Chromatic impossibility aside, the room looked
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mostly the same, save the pretty woman slumped on a chair to my right.
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Her shoulder-length hair looked ever-so-slightly-off-white with several
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highlights of yet another impossibility, framing a rounded face. Her eyes
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glowed a blue, familiar, yet alien.
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"You passed," said Lucere.
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I locked my eyes to her, eyebrows raised. "Passed what?"
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I snapped my gaze to her, eyebrows raised. "Passed what?"
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The high melody of my voice signaled an interrupt to all my
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thoughts. "Wait. What the hell?" I looked down and found two small lumps
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that did not exist before. "What. The. Hell."
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The melody in my voice signaled me an interrupt. "Wait. What the hell?" I
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looked down at two small lumps that \eph{were not there before}. "What.
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The. Hell."
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The girl beside me groaned, her exhaustion evident. "You needed an avatar
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boss."
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"So you just dropped me into a woman's-" And somehow I still had a modicum of
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situational awareness. "Wait. Boss?" I wasn't her boss, was I?
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"So you just dropped me into a woman's-" Somehow I still had a modicum of
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awareness. "Wait. Boss?"
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"Yeah," Lucere replied with exhaustion of her own, "You are her immediate
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I wasn't her boss, was I?
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"Yeah," Lucere replied with her own fatigue, "You are her immediate
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officer. We mentioned you were an officer, right?"
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"Yeah," I whispered, "I just didn't think it was going to be an immediate type
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of thing." I had no idea how to be a leader. I'd never worked a single day in
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any manner of leadership position. Before I flipped out again I did the smart
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thing and slumped back with my hands on my forehead. "What's with the new
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colours?"
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"Yeah," I whispered, "I just didn't think it was gonna be an immediate type
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of thing." I had no clue how to lead. Never had I worked a single day in
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that kind of capacity.
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"Probably messed up with a setting," my I-guess-an-employee said, "I was really
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rushed for time; fix your settings yourself."
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Before I flipped out again I did the smart thing and plopped back down with my
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hands on my forehead. "What's with the new colours?"
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I nodded, moving through the menus to adjust my visual input processing.
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"Probably messed up a setting," my I-guess-an-employee said, "I was really
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rushed for time; fix it yourself."
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I nodded and surfed through the menus to adjust my visual input processing.
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Before I knew it the world was normal again.
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"Thank you," I said, realizing I hadn't earlier.
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"Whatever," she said, "I'm Eilidh. Designation of, um... I guess tactical
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something or other."
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"Whatever; I'm Eilidh. Designation of, um... I guess tactical
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something-or-other."
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"I'm Talon," I replied, saying my name for the first time with such a sweet
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tongue, "Shit. That doesn't sound right. Lets go with Vivian."
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"I'm Talon," I said for the first time with the new voice, "Shit. That doesn't
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sound right. Let's go with Vivian."
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Where had that come from? Had I been thinking about it without realizing
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it? Was my brain working against me again?
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Where did that come from? Had I been thinking about it without
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realizing? Was my brain subverting me again?
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"Vivian." Lucere laughed herself back awake, "wow that fits really nicely. I
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figured you would go with something like Tali or another name starting with T."
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Lucere laughed herself back awake. "Vivian... wow that fits really nicely. I
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figured you would go with something like Tali: keep the first letter a T."
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Self-consciousness became my whole being and I dropped my head straight
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down. I was a guy, right? Guys weren't supposed to blush, even if I looked
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like a girl.
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I grew far too aware of myself and dropped my head straight down. I was a
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guy. Right? Guys weren't supposed to blush. Even if I looked like a girl.
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I looked to my thighs and found myself distracted once more. They were
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soft-looking. Before my brain could catch up my hand reached for them and
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bliss lit up my fingertips.
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I saw my thighs and lost myself yet again. They looked really soft. Before
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my brain could catch up my hand reached and bliss alit my tips.
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"Woah," I mouthed.
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"Are you good there?" I noticed a bemused look on Eilidh's face after she asked.
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"Are you good there?" Eilidh asked. I looked up to her bemused face.
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I could feel my heartbeat in my face for a while before finally answering. "Um,
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I'm not sure."
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I felt my pulse in my face for a bit before I answered. "Um, I'm not sure."
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"Looks like you aren't really in the mindspace to be building much of
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anything," said Lucere, "Do you want to keep that avatar or start working on a
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new one that's a little more what you're used to."
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"Looks like you aren't really in the headspace to build much of
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anything," said Lucere, "Do you want to keep that avatar or start on one
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a little more what you're used to?"
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"I'll keep this one!" I heard my voice shout.
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Did- did I say that?
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"I'll keep this one!" Did- did I say that?
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"Like being a woman?" Eilidh asked.
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"I-" I wasn't sure. This was all so fast and I get a say in any of it,
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really. Even my own brain conspired against me when it came to this.
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"I-" I wasn't sure. This was all so fast and I got a say in none of
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it. Even my brain worked against me here.
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I left my inner panic to find myself on a cyan-sanded beach.
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I left my inner panic and returned to a cyan-sanded beach.
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"I'm going to go join the others, \emph{Vivian}; please feel free to come join
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the party once you feel you're ready," Lucere said, walking toward a pop-up
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tent, "Eilidh, feel free to do whatever you like. Your boss looks like
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the party once you feel you're ready." Lucere walked toward a pop-up
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tent. "Eilidh, feel free to do whatever you like. Your boss looks like
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\emph{she} could use the company."
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I found sadness in the knowledge that Lucere would just abandon me.
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In the idea that Lucere would just abandon me I found sorrow.
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I looked over to Eilidh and realized that her hair was a pretty blue maybe a
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shade darker than the sand beneath us.
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I looked to Eilidh and realized her hair was a pretty blue maybe a shade darker
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than the sand underfoot.
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Eilidh locked her gaze with mine, her eyes alight with a faint green. Seeing
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past her magic I found deep hazel interspersed with blue, green, and gold.
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Eilidh locked her gaze with mine, her eyes alight, a faint green. Seeing past
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her magic I found deep hazel interspersed with blue, green, and gold.
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A pulse of heat radiated from me and electrified my skin.
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"Wow," I whispered, feeling tears behind my eyes, "I'm sorry; this is all
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"Wow," I whispered, feeling tears in my eyes, "I'm sorry; this is all
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really new to me and I'm having a hard time dealing with all of these new
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\emph{feelings}."
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She shrugged. "Its fine; just do whatever you need. Cry, talk, sit there
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brooding like a maniac. Whatever, really. I'll be here for
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you. Obviously I can't tell you how to figure yourself out, but I will offer
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you. Obviously I can't tell you how to figure yourself out, but I'll offer
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what help I can."
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Was that dedication to the job or was she this nice all the time?
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I mumbled a thank you and leaned against the cliff towering overhead.
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Eilidh sat down next to me and fiddled with something out of my sight. We sat
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in a comfortable silence, despite my tears threatening to drown me in my own
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thoughts. This body felt so much more comfortable than the guy I had been
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less than an hour ago. It was odd, thinking about it; the guy was almost more
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cage than person.
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Eilidh sat next to me and fiddled with something out of sight. We sat
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in comfortable silence, despite my tears welling up, despite my thoughts. This
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body felt so much more comfortable than the guy I had been less than an hour
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ago.
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It was odd, thinking about it; the guy was almost more cage than person.
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The beach, Eilidh, it all faded away. "Am I trans?"
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"Maybe?" She replied, very much \textbf{not} faded at all.
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I \emph{squeeked} and embarrassment dropped my voive to a mumble. "Fuck. Don't
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startle me like that."
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I \emph{squeeked} and mumbled in embarrassment "Fuck. Don't startle me like
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that."
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She replied with a rather cryptic stare. "Wow," she said, staring at me rather
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cryptically,making a look I couldn't interpret. "Wow. That was the most
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\emph{adorable} thing I've ever seen."
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She gave a rather cryptic stare. "Wow. That was the most \emph{adorable} thing
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I've ever seen."
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"Adorable?" I'd never been called adorable. It felt... nice? Certainly
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felt better than if I'd been called weak or childish for not being manly
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@ -147,53 +158,51 @@ good it was addictive.
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There was a part of me I never thought would see the light of day. I just
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didn't realize it was \emph{this}; being a woman wasn't bad as I thought it'd
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be, especially if everyone was going to be this easy going about it.
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be, especially if everyone was going to be this easy-going about it.
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Eilidh smiled and nodded. "You look like you're feeling a lot more
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comfortable. You want to go join the party?"
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comfortable. Wanna join the party?"
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I resigned myself to my fate. "I guess I'm just going to try this out for a
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I resigned myself to fate. "I guess I'm just going to try this out for a
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while. No need to put a label on anything yet, so yeah; let's go join the
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others." I might as well try it out, right? Everyone already thought I was
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trans.
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others." I might as well, right? Everyone already thought I was trans.
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I got up and brushed the sand from my butt. One deep breath later I followed
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Eilidh to the tent in the center of the beach. Looking around, I noticed a lot
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of apparent women lounging in beach chairs across the sands, others resting atop
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towels, more playing volley ball, and yet more engaged in friendly chatter.
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Eilidh to the tent in the middle. Looking around I noticed a lot of apparent
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women lounging in beach chairs, others resting atop towels, more playing
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volleyball, and yet more chattering amiably.
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I estimated something like fifty or sixty people being here, but that wasn't
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I estimated something like fifty or sixty people here, but wasn't
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certain. Despite that, I felt no aversion to the crowd.
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I noticed I was confused.
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I wouldn't question a good thing until later when I was alone, though. Well,
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for some value of 'alone' that my head implant was outright abusing, the very
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same implant that malfunctioned me into a weird painful void.
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for some value of 'alone' that my implant was outright abusing. The very same
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implant that malfunctioned me into a weird painful void.
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So what if I misconfigured it? It was still \emph{super dangerous!!}
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To be fair, though, most new technology is dangerous. Like, very dangerous. In
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the late parts of the last millenium, humanity decided to put all of its most
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To be fair, though, most new technology is dangerous. Like, very dangerous.
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In the late parts of the last millenium, humanity decided to put all of its most
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important systems on the net without care for security.
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Only later did humanity realize how insane that idea actually was.
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As I walked towards a group of magical women in a virtual world nineteen decades
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later, we still hadn't recovered from that mess. If anything, security had
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become at least an afterthought...
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In a virtual world with magical nineteen decades later, we still hadn't
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recovered from that mess. If anything, security had become at least an
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afterthought; an improvement, but my stomach sunk nonetheless.
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An improvement, but my stomach sunk nonetheless.
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"Hi," an androgynous voice greeted me when I finally entered the tent, "Xela
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When I finally entered the tent an androgynous voice greeted me. "Hi. Xela
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Melrose, Technology Officer and massive pain in the ass to heterosexuality."
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"Hi," I replied, "newly minted \emph{whatever} and not even sure what
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"Hi," I replied, "Newly minted \emph{whatever} and not even sure what
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heterosexuality means anymore."
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"Oh," fae responded, "its like, strai-"
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"I know," I interjected, "just not sure if its applicable to anything I
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"I know," I interjected, "Just, not sure if its applicable to anything I
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understand."
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Fae laughed. "Ah. Well in that case, come by my 'what the fuck is gender,
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I wondered if fae were joking and I couldn't tell and I wasn't entirely
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sure.
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I nodded, voice and mouth united once more. "I'm not really sure I'm ready for
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I nodded, voice and mouth once more in sync. "I'm not really sure I'm ready for
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something like that. This is already a hard enough trip."
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I heard faer humming with comprehension. "You must be Tactical Officer
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Young. Maybe next time then. How are you enjoying the new digs?"
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Faer hummed with comprehension. "You must be Tactical Officer Young. Maybe
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next time then. How are you enjoying the new digs?"
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"Its complicated," I admitted. Wow, was I really talking with someone I'd
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never met about this stuff?
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Faer voice feigned the horrors of the Seelie Court. "Oh shit, you don't even
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know? Goddess above, you're gorgeous! A step above anything we've ever seen
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before. Your perfect self is something that nobody else could have thought
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of! I mean, hell, your wings are this beautiful ice blue, like morning frost
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of! I mean, hell, your wings are this beautiful ice blue like morning frost
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covering an indigo bloom. And your skin is this beautiful mottling of..."
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I tuned out faer ramblings about how beautiful my body was. It was neat, but
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those warm pulses were growing stonger and so did some anxious ones and I did
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not want a panic attack right then and there.
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I tuned out faer ramblings about my body. It was neat, but those warm pulses
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were growing stonger and so did some anxious ones. I did not want a panic
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attack right then and there.
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Make a clean break.
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Exit stage literally anywhere else.
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Fae nodded and pointed toward the water. There were a few people there and I
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Fae nodded and pointed toward the water. There were a few people and I
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figured one of them might be Lucere.
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"Thanks!" With that I walked right off in the please-don't-scare-me direction
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with a few people in my path. They were nobody I recognized and I'd lost
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Eilidh in my daydreaming on the way there. She was somewhere, no idea
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where, hopefully with Lucere.
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Eilidh in my daydreaming prior. She was somewhere, no idea where, hopefully
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with Lucere.
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I was greeted by a familiar voice. "Hey, wasn't expecting to see you here."
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I arrived to a familiar voice. "Hey, wasn't expecting to see you here."
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I turned to see Tamaki smiling at me and gave her a nod.
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I turned to Tamaki's smile and nodded.
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"You look lost," she said in notes of sympathy, "Anything I can help you with?"
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Curiousity took my larynx. "How'd you recognize me?"
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"I've got alerts for when implants go into emergency mode," she replied, "I got
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"I get alerts when implants go into emergency mode," she replied, "I got
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a brief rundown of events and saw the new avatar." She paused, apparently
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noticing the worry on my face. "Only team members can upload new configurations
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when an implant fails like that but I still have to see what was done in case
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one of our own in malicious."
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one of our own is malicious."
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"No cause to believe that I hope," I said, asking a question really, but not
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wanting to ask that specific question directly.
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wanting to be that direct.
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She shook her head. "We've had a few cases where demimages directly threatened
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team members' lives, but never any issues where anyone has uploaded faulty
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team members' lives, but never any issues where anyone uploaded faulty
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code. Implants haven't failed all that frequently. Emergency mode on those
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things only happens once every few years across the whole network."
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I giggles. "Oh, so I really fucked up then."
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I giggled. "Oh, so I really fucked up then."
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Again she shook her head and smiled. "Not really; nnormally the implant can use
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predictive analysis to analyse the DNA structures as they're changing, but it
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I didn't find somewhere to be alone and fast, I'd be a mess in front of all
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these people.
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"We're not entirely sure," she admitted, "We're looking into it. There's a lot
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of overlap and a lot of fuzzy stuff. We're working on it."
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"We're not entirely sure; we're looking into it. There's a lot of overlap and
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a
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lot of fuzzy stuff. We're working on it."
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Manic sarcasm ensued. "Well fuck, jeez, its not enough to dump gender and
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Enter manic sarcasm . "Well fuck, jeez, its not enough to dump gender and
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sexuality in your lap; before you've had time to process that, let me also dump
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\emph{humanity} in your lap! And lets not forget the entire fucking concept of
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\emph{magic}, the ridiculously advanced technology that you've implanted in my
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