From paper to wire, with a few upgrades.

src/chapters/04-a-newfeeling.tex

@@ -1,143 +1,154 @@
-The world warped. First it was pain.  Then it wasn't.  I had form; I could feel
+The world warped.
-it and its changes, its horrifying and very incomfortable changes.
 
-It had stopped an instant after it happened.
+First it was pain.
 
-I knew I shouldn't have synced my virtual and physical bodies, but I really
+Then it wasn't.
-just wanted to see for myself.  I figured my implant couldn't get a read on my
+
-const volatile fucking form and flipped out.
+I had form.
+
+I could feel its changes.
+
+Its horrifying and very incomfortable changes.
+
+An instant later, it stopped.
+
+I knew I shouldn't have synced my physical and virtual bodies, but I really
+wanted to see for myself.
+
+I figured my implant couldn't get a read on my const volatile fucking form and
+flipped out.
 
 Reminder to ask Lucere about that.
 
-I opened my eyes and colours pierced me. I could not describe the impossibility
+I opened my eyes and colours pierced into me. I couldn't describe the
-I bore witness to; it would be like explaining technology to a housecat. Also
+impossibility I bore witness to; it would be like teaching a housecat
-my headache came back in full.
+technology.
 
-I groaned. "What in the fuck did I do that for?"  With a fuzzy head I sat
+Anyway my headache came back in full and I groaned.  "What in the fuck did I do
-up.  Chromatic impossibility aside, the room was mostly the same, save the
+that for?"
-pretty woman slumped over on a chair to my right.
 
-Her shoulder-length hair looked an ever-so-slightly off-white with several
+With a fuzzy head I sat up.  Chromatic impossibility aside, the room looked
-highlights of yet another eldritch impossibility. Slivers of hair framed a
+mostly the same, save the pretty woman slumped on a chair to my right.
-rounded face and her eyes glowed a blue familiar and yet alien.
+
+Her shoulder-length hair looked ever-so-slightly-off-white with several
+highlights of yet another impossibility, framing a rounded face. Her eyes
+glowed a blue, familiar, yet alien.
 
 "You passed," said Lucere.
 
-I locked my eyes to her, eyebrows raised. "Passed what?"
+I snapped my gaze to her, eyebrows raised. "Passed what?"
 
-The high melody of my voice signaled an interrupt to all my
+The melody in my voice signaled me an interrupt.  "Wait. What the hell?"  I
-thoughts.  "Wait. What the hell?"  I looked down and found two small lumps
+looked down at two small lumps that \eph{were not there before}.  "What.
-that did not exist before. "What. The. Hell."
+The. Hell."
 
 The girl beside me groaned, her exhaustion evident.  "You needed an avatar
 boss."
 
-"So you just dropped me into a woman's-" And somehow I still had a modicum of
+"So you just dropped me into a woman's-" Somehow I still had a modicum of
-situational awareness.  "Wait.  Boss?"  I wasn't her boss, was I?
+awareness.  "Wait.  Boss?"
 
-"Yeah," Lucere replied with exhaustion of her own, "You are her immediate
+I wasn't her boss, was I?
+
+"Yeah," Lucere replied with her own fatigue, "You are her immediate
 officer.  We mentioned you were an officer, right?"
 
-"Yeah," I whispered, "I just didn't think it was going to be an immediate type
+"Yeah," I whispered, "I just didn't think it was gonna be an immediate type
-of thing."  I had no idea how to be a leader.  I'd never worked a single day in
+of thing."  I had no clue how to lead.  Never had I worked a single day in
-any manner of leadership position.  Before I flipped out again I did the smart
+that kind of capacity.
-thing and slumped back with my hands on my forehead.  "What's with the new
-colours?"
 
-"Probably messed up with a setting," my I-guess-an-employee said, "I was really
+Before I flipped out again I did the smart thing and plopped back down with my
-rushed for time; fix your settings yourself."
+hands on my forehead.  "What's with the new colours?"
 
-I nodded, moving through the menus to adjust my visual input processing.
+"Probably messed up a setting," my I-guess-an-employee said, "I was really
+rushed for time; fix it yourself."
+
+I nodded and surfed through the menus to adjust my visual input processing.
 Before I knew it the world was normal again.
 
 "Thank you," I said, realizing I hadn't earlier.
 
-"Whatever," she said, "I'm Eilidh.  Designation of, um... I guess tactical
+"Whatever; I'm Eilidh.  Designation of, um... I guess tactical
-something or other."
+something-or-other."
 
-"I'm Talon," I replied, saying my name for the first time with such a sweet
+"I'm Talon," I said for the first time with the new voice, "Shit.  That doesn't
-tongue, "Shit.  That doesn't sound right.  Lets go with Vivian."
+sound right.  Let's go with Vivian."
 
-Where had that come from?  Had I been thinking about it without realizing
+Where did that come from?  Had I been thinking about it without
-it?  Was my brain working against me again?
+realizing?  Was my brain subverting me again?
 
-"Vivian." Lucere laughed herself back awake, "wow that fits really nicely.  I
+Lucere laughed herself back awake.  "Vivian... wow that fits really nicely.  I
-figured you would go with something like Tali or another name starting with T."
+figured you would go with something like Tali: keep the first letter a T."
 
-Self-consciousness became my whole being and I dropped my head straight
+I grew far too aware of myself and dropped my head straight down.  I was a
-down.  I was a guy, right?  Guys weren't supposed to blush, even if I looked
+guy.  Right?  Guys weren't supposed to blush.  Even if I looked like a girl.
-like a girl.
 
-I looked to my thighs and found myself distracted once more.  They were
+I saw my thighs and lost myself yet again.  They looked really soft.  Before
-soft-looking.  Before my brain could catch up my hand reached for them and
+my brain could catch up my hand reached and bliss alit my tips.
-bliss lit up my fingertips.
 
 "Woah," I mouthed.
 
-"Are you good there?" I noticed a bemused look on Eilidh's face after she asked.
+"Are you good there?" Eilidh asked. I looked up to her bemused face.
 
-I could feel my heartbeat in my face for a while before finally answering. "Um,
+I felt my pulse in my face for a bit before I answered.  "Um, I'm not sure."
-I'm not sure."
 
-"Looks like you aren't really in the mindspace to be building much of
+"Looks like you aren't really in the headspace to build much of
-anything," said Lucere, "Do you want to keep that avatar or start working on a
+anything," said Lucere, "Do you want to keep that avatar or start on one
-new one that's a little more what you're used to."
+a little more what you're used to?"
 
-"I'll keep this one!" I heard my voice shout.
+"I'll keep this one!"  Did- did I say that?
-
-Did- did I say that?
 
 "Like being a woman?" Eilidh asked.
 
-"I-" I wasn't sure.  This was all so fast and I get a say in any of it,
+"I-" I wasn't sure.  This was all so fast and I got a say in none of
-really.  Even my own brain conspired against me when it came to this.
+it.  Even my brain worked against me here.
 
-I left my inner panic to find myself on a cyan-sanded beach.
+I left my inner panic and returned to a cyan-sanded beach.
 
 "I'm going to go join the others, \emph{Vivian}; please feel free to come join
-the party once you feel you're ready," Lucere said, walking toward a pop-up
+the party once you feel you're ready."  Lucere walked toward a pop-up
-tent,  "Eilidh, feel free to do whatever you like.  Your boss looks like
+tent.  "Eilidh, feel free to do whatever you like.  Your boss looks like
 \emph{she} could use the company."
 
-I found sadness in the knowledge that Lucere would just abandon me.
+In the idea that Lucere would just abandon me I found sorrow.
 
-I looked over to Eilidh and realized that her hair was a pretty blue maybe a
+I looked to Eilidh and realized her hair was a pretty blue maybe a shade darker
-shade darker than the sand beneath us.
+than the sand underfoot.
 
-Eilidh locked her gaze with mine, her eyes alight with a faint green.  Seeing
+Eilidh locked her gaze with mine, her eyes alight, a faint green.  Seeing past
-past her magic I found deep hazel interspersed with blue, green, and gold.
+her magic I found deep hazel interspersed with blue, green, and gold.
 
 A pulse of heat radiated from me and electrified my skin.
 
-"Wow," I whispered, feeling tears behind my eyes, "I'm sorry; this is all
+"Wow," I whispered, feeling tears in my eyes, "I'm sorry; this is all
 really new to me and I'm having a hard time dealing with all of these new
 \emph{feelings}."
 
 She shrugged. "Its fine; just do whatever you need.  Cry, talk, sit there
 brooding like a maniac.  Whatever, really.  I'll be here for
-you.  Obviously I can't tell you how to figure yourself out, but I will offer
+you.  Obviously I can't tell you how to figure yourself out, but I'll offer
 what help I can."
 
 Was that dedication to the job or was she this nice all the time?
 
 I mumbled a thank you and leaned against the cliff towering overhead.
 
-Eilidh sat down next to me and fiddled with something out of my sight.  We sat
+Eilidh sat next to me and fiddled with something out of sight.  We sat
-in a comfortable silence, despite my tears threatening to drown me in my own
+in comfortable silence, despite my tears welling up, despite my thoughts.  This
-thoughts.  This body felt so much more comfortable than the guy I had been
+body felt so much more comfortable than the guy I had been less than an hour
-less than an hour ago.  It was odd, thinking about it; the guy was almost more
+ago.
-cage than person.
+
+It was odd, thinking about it; the guy was almost more cage than person.
 
 The beach, Eilidh, it all faded away. "Am I trans?"
 
 "Maybe?" She replied, very much \textbf{not} faded at all.
 
-I \emph{squeeked} and embarrassment dropped my voive to a mumble.  "Fuck.  Don't
+I \emph{squeeked} and mumbled in embarrassment  "Fuck.  Don't startle me like
-startle me like that." 
+that." 
 
-She replied with a rather cryptic stare. "Wow," she said, staring at me rather
+She gave a rather cryptic stare. "Wow.  That was the most \emph{adorable} thing
-cryptically,making a look I couldn't interpret.  "Wow.  That was the most
+I've ever seen."
-\emph{adorable} thing I've ever seen."
 
 "Adorable?"  I'd never been called adorable.  It felt... nice?  Certainly
 felt better than if I'd been called weak or childish for not being manly
@@ -147,53 +158,51 @@ good it was addictive.
 
 There was a part of me I never thought would see the light of day.  I just
 didn't realize it was \emph{this}; being a woman wasn't bad as I thought it'd
-be, especially if everyone was going to be this easy going about it.
+be, especially if everyone was going to be this easy-going about it.
 
 Eilidh smiled and nodded.  "You look like you're feeling a lot more
-comfortable.  You want to go join the party?"
+comfortable.  Wanna join the party?"
 
-I resigned myself to my fate.  "I guess I'm just going to try this out for a
+I resigned myself to fate.  "I guess I'm just going to try this out for a
 while. No need to put a label on anything yet, so yeah; let's go join the
-others."  I might as well try it out, right?  Everyone already thought I was
+others."  I might as well, right?  Everyone already thought I was trans.
-trans.
 
 I got up and brushed the sand from my butt.  One deep breath later I followed
-Eilidh to the tent in the center of the beach.  Looking around, I noticed a lot
+Eilidh to the tent in the middle.  Looking around I noticed a lot of apparent
-of apparent women lounging in beach chairs across the sands, others resting atop
+women lounging in beach chairs, others resting atop towels, more playing
-towels, more playing volley ball, and yet more engaged in friendly chatter.
+volleyball, and yet more chattering amiably.
 
-I estimated something like fifty or sixty people being here, but that wasn't
+I estimated something like fifty or sixty people here, but wasn't
 certain.  Despite that, I felt no aversion to the crowd.
 
 I noticed I was confused.
 
 I wouldn't question a good thing until later when I was alone, though.  Well,
-for some value of 'alone' that my head implant was outright abusing, the very
+for some value of 'alone' that my implant was outright abusing.  The very same
-same implant that malfunctioned me into a weird painful void.
+implant that malfunctioned me into a weird painful void.
 
 So what if I misconfigured it?  It was still \emph{super dangerous!!}
 
-To be fair, though, most new technology is dangerous.  Like, very dangerous. In
+To be fair, though, most new technology is dangerous.  Like, very dangerous.
-the late parts of the last millenium, humanity decided to put all of its most
+
+In the late parts of the last millenium, humanity decided to put all of its most
 important systems on the net without care for security.
 
 Only later did humanity realize how insane that idea actually was.
 
-As I walked towards a group of magical women in a virtual world nineteen decades
+In a virtual world with magical nineteen decades later, we still hadn't
-later, we still hadn't recovered from that mess.  If anything, security had
+recovered from that mess.  If anything, security had become at least an
-become at least an afterthought...
+afterthought; an improvement, but my stomach sunk nonetheless.
 
-An improvement, but my stomach sunk nonetheless.
+When I finally entered the tent an androgynous voice greeted me.  "Hi.  Xela
-
-"Hi," an androgynous voice greeted me when I finally entered the tent, "Xela
 Melrose, Technology Officer and massive pain in the ass to heterosexuality."
 
-"Hi," I replied, "newly minted \emph{whatever} and not even sure what
+"Hi," I replied, "Newly minted \emph{whatever} and not even sure what
 heterosexuality means anymore."
 
 "Oh," fae responded, "its like, strai-"
 
-"I know," I interjected, "just not sure if its applicable to anything I
+"I know," I interjected, "Just, not sure if its applicable to anything I
 understand."
 
 Fae laughed. "Ah.  Well in that case, come by my 'what the fuck is gender,
@@ -203,11 +212,11 @@ Either that or bore the hell out of you, one of the two."
 I wondered if fae were joking and I couldn't tell and I wasn't entirely
 sure.
 
-I nodded, voice and mouth united once more.  "I'm not really sure I'm ready for
+I nodded, voice and mouth once more in sync.  "I'm not really sure I'm ready for
 something like that.  This is already a hard enough trip."
 
-I heard faer humming with comprehension.  "You must be Tactical Officer
+Faer hummed with comprehension.  "You must be Tactical Officer Young.  Maybe
-Young.  Maybe next time then.  How are you enjoying the new digs?"
+next time then.  How are you enjoying the new digs?"
 
 "Its complicated," I admitted.  Wow, was I really talking with someone I'd
 never met about this stuff?
@@ -220,12 +229,12 @@ I blinked. "Um, I know I have horns, but why don't you enlighten me?"
 Faer voice feigned the horrors of the Seelie Court.  "Oh shit, you don't even
 know?  Goddess above, you're gorgeous!  A step above anything we've ever seen
 before.  Your perfect self is something that nobody else could have thought
-of!  I mean, hell, your wings are this beautiful ice blue, like morning frost
+of!  I mean, hell, your wings are this beautiful ice blue like morning frost
 covering an indigo bloom.  And your skin is this beautiful mottling of..."
 
-I tuned out faer ramblings about how beautiful my body was.  It was neat, but
+I tuned out faer ramblings about my body.  It was neat, but those warm pulses
-those warm pulses were growing stonger and so did some anxious ones and I did
+were growing stonger and so did some anxious ones.  I did not want a panic
-not want a panic attack right then and there.
+attack right then and there.
 
 Make a clean break.
 
@@ -233,37 +242,37 @@ Make a clean break.
 
 Exit stage literally anywhere else.
 
-Fae nodded and pointed toward the water.  There were a few people there and I
+Fae nodded and pointed toward the water.  There were a few people and I
 figured one of them might be Lucere.
 
 "Thanks!"  With that I walked right off in the please-don't-scare-me direction
 with a few people in my path.  They were nobody I recognized and I'd lost
-Eilidh in my daydreaming on the way there.  She was somewhere, no idea
+Eilidh in my daydreaming prior.  She was somewhere, no idea where, hopefully
-where, hopefully with Lucere.
+with Lucere.
 
-I was greeted by a familiar voice. "Hey, wasn't expecting to see you here."
+I arrived to a familiar voice.  "Hey, wasn't expecting to see you here."
 
-I turned to see Tamaki smiling at me and gave her a nod.
+I turned to Tamaki's smile and nodded.
 
 "You look lost," she said in notes of sympathy, "Anything I can help you with?"
 
 Curiousity took my larynx. "How'd you recognize me?"
 
-"I've got alerts for when implants go into emergency mode," she replied, "I got
+"I get alerts when implants go into emergency mode," she replied, "I got
 a brief rundown of events and saw the new avatar."  She paused, apparently
 noticing the worry on my face.  "Only team members can upload new configurations
 when an implant fails like that but I still have to see what was done in case
-one of our own in malicious."
+one of our own is malicious."
 
 "No cause to believe that I hope," I said, asking a question really, but not
-wanting to ask that specific question directly.
+wanting to be that direct.
 
 She shook her head.  "We've had a few cases where demimages directly threatened
-team members' lives, but never any issues where anyone has uploaded faulty
+team members' lives, but never any issues where anyone uploaded faulty
 code.  Implants haven't failed all that frequently.  Emergency mode on those
 things only happens once every few years across the whole network."
 
-I giggles. "Oh, so I really fucked up then."
+I giggled.  "Oh, so I really fucked up then."
 
 Again she shook her head and smiled. "Not really; nnormally the implant can use
 predictive analysis to analyse the DNA structures as they're changing, but it
@@ -285,10 +294,11 @@ about this.  Underneath, however... the boiler popped.  Violently.  If
 I didn't find somewhere to be alone and fast, I'd be a mess in front of all
 these people.
 
-"We're not entirely sure," she admitted, "We're looking into it.  There's a lot
+"We're not entirely sure; we're looking into it.  There's a lot of overlap and
-of overlap and a lot of fuzzy stuff.  We're working on it."
+a
+lot of fuzzy stuff.  We're working on it."
 
-Manic sarcasm ensued. "Well fuck, jeez, its not enough to dump gender and
+Enter manic sarcasm . "Well fuck, jeez, its not enough to dump gender and
 sexuality in your lap; before you've had time to process that, let me also dump
 \emph{humanity} in your lap!  And lets not forget the entire fucking concept of
 \emph{magic}, the ridiculously advanced technology that you've implanted in my