From dc369281a86088fb729fa69269e3918635510d6a Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: Ren Kararou Date: Tue, 18 Jan 2022 00:11:39 -0700 Subject: [PATCH] ready for editing --- src/chapters/04-a-newfeeling.tex | 309 +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ src/main.tex | 4 + 2 files changed, 313 insertions(+) create mode 100644 src/chapters/04-a-newfeeling.tex diff --git a/src/chapters/04-a-newfeeling.tex b/src/chapters/04-a-newfeeling.tex new file mode 100644 index 0000000..debab84 --- /dev/null +++ b/src/chapters/04-a-newfeeling.tex @@ -0,0 +1,309 @@ +The world was writhing pain. Then it wasn't. I had form, I could feel it, but +it kept changing in horrifying and very uncomfortable ways. + +Just as suddenly as the weird happened, it stopped. I knew I shouldn't have +synced my virtual and physical bodies, but I really just wanted to see myself. +I guess because my body was actively changing, the implant couldn't get a read +and started freaking out. + +I would ask Lucere about that. + +The world was full of new colours assaulting me as I opened my eyes. Colours I +thought shouldn't exist, that were nearly impossible to describe. After all, +how do you explain colour to someone who's never seen it? + +My headache came back in full force before I could think any longer on the +colours I was seeing. + +"What in the fuck did I do that for?" I asked myself aloud. My head felt fuzzy +as I sat up. Aside from the new colours, the room was mostly the same, save a +woman sitting slumped over in the chair to my right. She was pretty. + +Her shoulder length hair looked almost white, but off slightly. It had several +highlights of another colour I couldn't describe. Her face was slightly +rounded and framed by slivers of hair. Her eyes glowed of a blue-like colour +that I couldn't put my finger on. + +"You passed," Lucere said. + +"Passed what?" I asked. Only now did I realize my voice was high and melodic. +"Wait, what the hell?" + +I looked down and saw two small lumps on my chest. "What the hell?" I +demanded. + +"You needed an avatar boss," the girl said, exhaustion seeping through her +voice. + +"So you just dropped me into a woman's- wait, boss?" I asked, perplexed. I +wasn't her boss, was I? + +"Yeah," Lucere responded, through her own exhaustion, "You are her immediate +officer. We mentioned you were an officer, right?" + +"Yeah," I whispered, "I just didn't think it was going to be an immediate type +of thing." I had no idea how to be a leader. I'd worked on software my whole +career in exclusively non-leadership roles. + +I slumped back and put my hands on my forehead. "What's with the new colours?" + +"Probably messed up with a setting," my I-guess-an-employee said, "I was really +rushed for time. Fix your settings yourself." + +I nodded and started moving through the menus to change the way that visual +input was processed and started adjusting. Before I knew it, the world looked +normal again. + +"Thank you," I said, realizing I hadn't mentioned it earlier. + +"Whatever," she said, "I'm Eilidh. Designation of, um... I guess tactical +something or other." + +"I'm Talon," I replied. The name didn't really feel right coming from this +honey-sweet voice. "Shit. That doesn't sound right. Lets go with Vivian." +Where had that come from? Had I been thinking about it without realizing it? + +Was my brain working against me again? + +"Vivian," Lucere laughed, suddenly breaking out of her exhaustion, "wow that +fits really nicely. I figured you would go with something like Tali or another +name starting with T." + +I was suddenly very self-conscious. I dropped my head straight down to avoid +letting them see me blush. I was a guy, right? Guys weren't supposed to +blush, even if I look like a girl. + +I was immediately distracted by my thighs. They were soft looking. My hand +reached out to touch them before my brain could catch up, and the feeling of +my fingers against them was euphoric. + +"Woah," I mouthed. + +"Are you good there?" Eilidh asked, a bemused look on her face. + +I could feel my heartbeat in my face. "Um," I finally answered, "I'm not +sure." + +"Looks like you aren't really in the mindspace to be building much of +anything," Lucere said, "do you want to keep that avitar or start working on a +new one thats a little more what you're used to." + +"I'll keep this one!" I heard shouted. It was my voice, though. I didn't say +that, did I? + +"Like being a woman?" I heard Eilidh ask. + +"I-" I wasn't sure. This was all happening so fast and I didn't really get a +say in any of it. Even my brain was working against me in making this happen. + +We were suddenly on a beach. The sand was a nice cyan colour. + +"I'm going to go join the others, \emph{Vivian}, please feel free to come join +the party once you feel you're ready," Lucere said as she was walking toward a +pop-up tent. "Eilidh, feel free to do whatever you like. Your boss looks like +\emph{she} could use the company." + +I found myself a little sad, knowing Lucere was going to just abandon me. I +looked over to Eilidh and realized that her hair was a pretty blue. Maybe a +shade darker than the sand we were standing on. + +Eilidh looked at me, locking her gaze with mine. Her eyes were glowing with a +faint green colour. Despite the glow of her magic, I could see the colour of +her irises. They were a deep hazel with flecks of blue, green, and gold +interspersed. + +A pulse of heat radiated from my core that made my skin tingle like it was +electrified. + +"Wow," I whispered, realizing I was holding back tears, "I'm sorry, this is all +really new to me and I'm having a hard time dealing with all of these new +\emph{feelings}." + +"Its fine," she shrugged, "just do whatever you need to. Cry, talk, sit there +brooding like a maniac. Whatever, really. I'll be right here for you. +Obviously I can't tell you how to figure yourself out, but I will offer +whatever help I can." + +Was that dedication to the job or was she this nice all the time? + +"Thank you," I mumbled before leaning against the cliff that towered above me. + +Eilidh sat down next to me and began fiddling with something I couldn't see. + +We sat in a comfortable silence while I held tears back, thinking about +everything. This body felt so much more comfortable than the guy I had been +less than an hour ago. It was odd, thinking about it. The guy was almost more +of a cage than a person. + +"Am I trans?" I asked, forgetting that Eilidh was next to me. + +"Maybe?" She replied. I \emph{squeeked} in response. + +"Fuck," I mumbled in embarresment, "don't startle me like that." + +"Wow," she said, staring at me making a look I couldn't interpret. "That was +the most \emph{adorable} thing I've ever seen." + +"Adorable?" I asked. I'd never been called adorable. It felt nice? It +certainly felt better than if I'd been called weak or childish for not being +manly enough. + +My face might just be permanently red if people keep telling me stuff like +this. I didn't know that the treatment of women amongs themselves felt so +good. It was addictive. + +It was a part of me that I never thought would see the light of day. I just +didn't realize it was \emph{this}. Being a woman didn't feel quite so bad as I +thought it would. Especially if everyone was going to be this easy going about +it. + +"You look like you're feeling a lot more comfortable," Eilidh stated, "You want +to go join the party?" + +"I guess I'm just going to try this out for a while," I said, resigning myself +to my fate. "No need to put a label on anything yet, so yeah, lets go join the +others." I might as well try it out, right? Everyone already thought I was +trans. + +I got up and brushed the sand from my butt. A deep breath later and I was +following Eilidh over to the tent that was in the center of the beach. Looking +around, I noticed that there were a lot of people, mostly aparant women, +launging in beach chairs that had been setup across the beach. There were +others still who were lounging on towels, playing volley ball, or chatting with +their friends. + +There were quite a few people. I estimated something like fifty or sixty +people, just looking around, but I may have been wrong. Despite that, my +aversion to large crowds wasn't kicking in. + +I noticed I was quite confused by this, but wouldn't question a good thing +until later when I was alone. Though, the concept of 'alone' was being +stretched to its limits. I realized that thinking about the implant I had in +my head. + +The implant that malfunctioned and sent me to a painful and weird void. +Admittedly because I misconfigured it, but the point still stands. This thing +is dangerous. + +Of course, most new technology is dangerous. Like, very dangerous. In the +late parts of the last millenium, humanity had decided to put all of its most +important systems on the net without any concern for security. Only later did +humanity realize how insane that idea actually was. + +As I walk towards a group of magically enabled women in a virtual world +nineteen decades later, we still hadn't recovered from that mess. If anything +security had become at least an afterthought instead of not a thought at all. +There was a sinking feeling in my stomach. + +"Hi," an androgynous voice greeted me as I finally arrived at the tent, "Xela +Melrose, Technology Officer and massive pain in the ass to heterosexuality." + +"Hi," I responded, "newly minted \emph{whatever} and not even sure what +heterosexuality means anymore." + +"Oh," fae responded, "its like, strai-" + +"I know," I interjected, "just not sure if its applicable to anything I +understand." + +"Ah," fae laughed, "well in that case, come by my 'what the fuck is gender, +anyway?' fun house later. We're gonna have cake and break your idea of gender. +Either that or bore the hell out of you. One of the two." + +\emph{Is fae joking?} I asked myself. Couldn't tell and wasn't entirely sure. +I nodded in response before my voice finally found my mouth again, "I'm not +really sure I'm ready for something like that. This is already a hard enough +trip." + +I heard faer humming as fae started to understand. "You must be Tactical +Officer Young. Maybe next time then. How are you enjoying the new digs?" + +"Its complicated," I admitted. Wow, was I really talking with someone I'd +never met about this stuff? + +"How do you feel about the absolutely stellar body you have waiting for you in +the real?" fae asked. + +"Um? I know I have horns, but why don't you enlighten me?" + +"Oh shit, you don't even know?" fae feigned a face of horror, "goddess above +you're gorgeous. A step above anything we've ever seen before. Your perfect +self is something that nobody else could have thought of. I mean, hell, your +wings are this beautiful ice blue. Like morning frost covering an indigo +bloom. And your skin is this beautiful mottling of..." + +I tuned faer out as fae went on about how beautiful my body was. It was neat, +don't get me wrong, but those warm pulses were growing stonger and some of them +were causing anxiety to build up. + +Anxiety that was threatening to burst into a full panic attack. + +"I'll catch you later," I said, somewhat abruptly and awkwardly breaking the +conversation short. "I need to find Lucere." + +Fae nodded and pointed off toward the water. There were a few people lounging +around. I figured one of them might be Lucere. + +"Thanks," I said, then walked off toward the direction Xela had pointed. + +A few people were in my path. Nobody I recognized, and I'd lost Eilidh on our +way to the tent. My thoughts having left my body to find its own way. I'm +sure she was somewhere, but I couldn't be sure where. Maybe she'd be with +Lucere. + +"Hey," a familiar voice greeted, "wasn't expecting to see you here." + +I turned to see Tamaki smiling at me and gave her a nod. + +"You look lost," she said, notes of sympathy resonating in her voice, "anything +I can help you with?" + +"How'd you recognize me?" I asked, admittedly curious. + +"I've got alerts for when implants go into emergency mode," she replied, "I got +a brief rundown of events, and saw the new avatar that was uploaded to your +implant." She paused, noticing the worry on my face. "Only team members can +upload new configurations when an implant fails like that, but I still have to +see what was done in case one of our own in malicious." + +"No cause to believe that, I hope," I stated, asking a question really, but not +wanting to ask that specific question directly. + +"We've had a few cases where demimages have been direct threats to team +members' lives, but never any issues where anyone has uploaded faulty code," +she answered, "implants haven't failed all that frequently. Emergency mode on +those things only happens once every few years across the whole network." + +"Oh," I giggled, "so I really fucked up then." + +"Not really," she admitted, "normally the implant can use predictive analysis +to analyse the DNA structures as their changing, but it appears that your DNA +isn't registering as," a long pause. + +"As what?" I asked, concern pushing that anxiety closer to bursting through the +copper walls of its boiler. + +"Let me preface this by saying you are obviously a living person and we will +always treat you as such," Tamaki said, a serious face accenting the words, +"but your DNA no longer appears to be registering as human. We've had some of +the genetics experts looking into it, but your DNA has a lot less in common +with humans and a lot more in common with demons." + +"Okay, so I'm no longer even human?" I asked. I was surprisingly calm about +this. On the surface. Beneath the surface, the boiler popped. Violently. If +I didn't find somewhere to be alone and fast, I'd be a mess in front of all +these people. + +"We're not entirely sure," she admitted, "we're looking into it. There's a lot +overlap and a lot of fuzzy stuff. We're working on it." + +"Well fuck," I said in a manically sarcastic tone, "jeez, its not enough to +dump gender and sexuality in your lap. Before you've had time to process that, +let me also dump \emph{humanity} in your lap! And lets not forget the entire +fucking concept of \emph{magic}, the rediculously advanced technology that +you've implanted in my head \emph{without any warnings}, and the fact that you +definitely forced me to sleep because I was lost in thought!" + +Anxiety into rage? Very atypical. I'd lost it. My handle on reality was +gone. + diff --git a/src/main.tex b/src/main.tex index b78c56a..cbd95a0 100644 --- a/src/main.tex +++ b/src/main.tex @@ -133,6 +133,10 @@ \textbf{Eilidh:}\newline \subfile{src/chapters/03-b-quicktimeactions} + \mkchap{0x06}{A New Feeling}{21 July 2158 - 1932} + \textbf{Vivian:}\newline + \subfile{src/chapters/04-a-newfeeling} + % Need acknowledgements before enabling this. % \mkack