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src/chapters/04-a-newfeeling.tex

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+The world was writhing pain.  Then it wasn't.  I had form, I could feel it, but
+it kept changing in horrifying and very uncomfortable ways.
+
+Just as suddenly as the weird happened, it stopped.  I knew I shouldn't have
+synced my virtual and physical bodies, but I really just wanted to see myself.
+I guess because my body was actively changing, the implant couldn't get a read
+and started freaking out.
+
+I would ask Lucere about that.
+
+The world was full of new colours assaulting me as I opened my eyes.  Colours I
+thought shouldn't exist, that were nearly impossible to describe.  After all,
+how do you explain colour to someone who's never seen it?
+
+My headache came back in full force before I could think any longer on the
+colours I was seeing.
+
+"What in the fuck did I do that for?" I asked myself aloud.  My head felt fuzzy
+as I sat up.  Aside from the new colours, the room was mostly the same, save a
+woman sitting slumped over in the chair to my right.  She was pretty.
+
+Her shoulder length hair looked almost white, but off slightly.  It had several
+highlights of another colour I couldn't describe.  Her face was slightly
+rounded and framed by slivers of hair.  Her eyes glowed of a blue-like colour
+that I couldn't put my finger on.
+
+"You passed," Lucere said.
+
+"Passed what?" I asked.  Only now did I realize my voice was high and melodic.
+"Wait, what the hell?"
+
+I looked down and saw two small lumps on my chest.  "What the hell?" I
+demanded.
+
+"You needed an avatar boss," the girl said, exhaustion seeping through her
+voice.
+
+"So you just dropped me into a woman's- wait, boss?" I asked, perplexed.  I
+wasn't her boss, was I?
+
+"Yeah," Lucere responded, through her own exhaustion, "You are her immediate
+officer.  We mentioned you were an officer, right?"
+
+"Yeah," I whispered, "I just didn't think it was going to be an immediate type
+of thing."  I had no idea how to be a leader.  I'd worked on software my whole
+career in exclusively non-leadership roles.
+
+I slumped back and put my hands on my forehead.  "What's with the new colours?"
+
+"Probably messed up with a setting," my I-guess-an-employee said, "I was really
+rushed for time.  Fix your settings yourself."
+
+I nodded and started moving through the menus to change the way that visual
+input was processed and started adjusting.  Before I knew it, the world looked
+normal again.
+
+"Thank you," I said, realizing I hadn't mentioned it earlier.
+
+"Whatever," she said, "I'm Eilidh.  Designation of, um... I guess tactical
+something or other."
+
+"I'm Talon," I replied.  The name didn't really feel right coming from this
+honey-sweet voice.  "Shit.  That doesn't sound right.  Lets go with Vivian."
+Where had that come from?  Had I been thinking about it without realizing it?
+
+Was my brain working against me again?
+
+"Vivian," Lucere laughed, suddenly breaking out of her exhaustion, "wow that
+fits really nicely.  I figured you would go with something like Tali or another
+name starting with T."
+
+I was suddenly very self-conscious.  I dropped my head straight down to avoid
+letting them see me blush.  I was a guy, right?  Guys weren't supposed to
+blush, even if I look like a girl.
+
+I was immediately distracted by my thighs.  They were soft looking.  My hand
+reached out to touch them before my brain could catch up, and the feeling of
+my fingers against them was euphoric.
+
+"Woah," I mouthed.
+
+"Are you good there?" Eilidh asked, a bemused look on her face.
+
+I could feel my heartbeat in my face.  "Um," I finally answered, "I'm not
+sure."
+
+"Looks like you aren't really in the mindspace to be building much of
+anything," Lucere said, "do you want to keep that avitar or start working on a
+new one thats a little more what you're used to."
+
+"I'll keep this one!" I heard shouted.  It was my voice, though.  I didn't say
+that, did I?
+
+"Like being a woman?" I heard Eilidh ask.
+
+"I-" I wasn't sure.  This was all happening so fast and I didn't really get a
+say in any of it.  Even my brain was working against me in making this happen.
+
+We were suddenly on a beach.  The sand was a nice cyan colour.
+
+"I'm going to go join the others, \emph{Vivian}, please feel free to come join
+the party once you feel you're ready," Lucere said as she was walking toward a
+pop-up tent.  "Eilidh, feel free to do whatever you like.  Your boss looks like
+\emph{she} could use the company."
+
+I found myself a little sad, knowing Lucere was going to just abandon me.  I
+looked over to Eilidh and realized that her hair was a pretty blue.  Maybe a
+shade darker than the sand we were standing on.
+
+Eilidh looked at me, locking her gaze with mine.  Her eyes were glowing with a
+faint green colour.  Despite the glow of her magic, I could see the colour of
+her irises.  They were a deep hazel with flecks of blue, green, and gold
+interspersed.
+
+A pulse of heat radiated from my core that made my skin tingle like it was
+electrified.
+
+"Wow," I whispered, realizing I was holding back tears, "I'm sorry, this is all
+really new to me and I'm having a hard time dealing with all of these new
+\emph{feelings}."
+
+"Its fine," she shrugged, "just do whatever you need to.  Cry, talk, sit there
+brooding like a maniac.  Whatever, really.  I'll be right here for you.
+Obviously I can't tell you how to figure yourself out, but I will offer
+whatever help I can."
+
+Was that dedication to the job or was she this nice all the time?
+
+"Thank you," I mumbled before leaning against the cliff that towered above me.
+
+Eilidh sat down next to me and began fiddling with something I couldn't see.
+
+We sat in a comfortable silence while I held tears back, thinking about
+everything.  This body felt so much more comfortable than the guy I had been
+less than an hour ago.  It was odd, thinking about it.  The guy was almost more
+of a cage than a person.
+
+"Am I trans?" I asked, forgetting that Eilidh was next to me.
+
+"Maybe?" She replied.  I \emph{squeeked} in response.
+
+"Fuck," I mumbled in embarresment, "don't startle me like that."
+
+"Wow," she said, staring at me making a look I couldn't interpret.  "That was
+the most \emph{adorable} thing I've ever seen."
+
+"Adorable?" I asked.  I'd never been called adorable.  It felt nice?  It
+certainly felt better than if I'd been called weak or childish for not being
+manly enough.
+
+My face might just be permanently red if people keep telling me stuff like
+this.  I didn't know that the treatment of women amongs themselves felt so
+good.  It was addictive.
+
+It was a part of me that I never thought would see the light of day.  I just
+didn't realize it was \emph{this}.  Being a woman didn't feel quite so bad as I
+thought it would.  Especially if everyone was going to be this easy going about
+it.
+
+"You look like you're feeling a lot more comfortable," Eilidh stated, "You want
+to go join the party?"
+
+"I guess I'm just going to try this out for a while," I said, resigning myself
+to my fate.  "No need to put a label on anything yet, so yeah, lets go join the
+others."  I might as well try it out, right?  Everyone already thought I was
+trans.
+
+I got up and brushed the sand from my butt.  A deep breath later and I was
+following Eilidh over to the tent that was in the center of the beach.  Looking
+around, I noticed that there were a lot of people, mostly aparant women,
+launging in beach chairs that had been setup across the beach.  There were
+others still who were lounging on towels, playing volley ball, or chatting with
+their friends.
+
+There were quite a few people.  I estimated something like fifty or sixty
+people, just looking around, but I may have been wrong.  Despite that, my
+aversion to large crowds wasn't kicking in.
+
+I noticed I was quite confused by this, but wouldn't question a good thing
+until later when I was alone.  Though, the concept of 'alone' was being
+stretched to its limits.  I realized that thinking about the implant I had in
+my head.
+
+The implant that malfunctioned and sent me to a painful and weird void.
+Admittedly because I misconfigured it, but the point still stands.  This thing
+is dangerous.
+
+Of course, most new technology is dangerous.  Like, very dangerous.  In the
+late parts of the last millenium, humanity had decided to put all of its most
+important systems on the net without any concern for security.  Only later did
+humanity realize how insane that idea actually was.
+
+As I walk towards a group of magically enabled women in a virtual world
+nineteen decades later, we still hadn't recovered from that mess.  If anything
+security had become at least an afterthought instead of not a thought at all.
+There was a sinking feeling in my stomach.
+
+"Hi," an androgynous voice greeted me as I finally arrived at the tent, "Xela
+Melrose, Technology Officer and massive pain in the ass to heterosexuality."
+
+"Hi," I responded, "newly minted \emph{whatever} and not even sure what
+heterosexuality means anymore."
+
+"Oh," fae responded, "its like, strai-"
+
+"I know," I interjected, "just not sure if its applicable to anything I
+understand."
+
+"Ah," fae laughed, "well in that case, come by my 'what the fuck is gender,
+anyway?' fun house later.  We're gonna have cake and break your idea of gender.
+Either that or bore the hell out of you.  One of the two."
+
+\emph{Is fae joking?} I asked myself.  Couldn't tell and wasn't entirely sure.
+I nodded in response before my voice finally found my mouth again, "I'm not
+really sure I'm ready for something like that.  This is already a hard enough
+trip."
+
+I heard faer humming as fae started to understand.  "You must be Tactical
+Officer Young.  Maybe next time then.  How are you enjoying the new digs?"
+
+"Its complicated," I admitted.  Wow, was I really talking with someone I'd
+never met about this stuff?
+
+"How do you feel about the absolutely stellar body you have waiting for you in
+the real?" fae asked.
+
+"Um?  I know I have horns, but why don't you enlighten me?"
+
+"Oh shit, you don't even know?" fae feigned a face of horror, "goddess above
+you're gorgeous.  A step above anything we've ever seen before.  Your perfect
+self is something that nobody else could have thought of.  I mean, hell, your
+wings are this beautiful ice blue.  Like morning frost covering an indigo
+bloom.  And your skin is this beautiful mottling of..."
+
+I tuned faer out as fae went on about how beautiful my body was.  It was neat,
+don't get me wrong, but those warm pulses were growing stonger and some of them
+were causing anxiety to build up.
+
+Anxiety that was threatening to burst into a full panic attack.
+
+"I'll catch you later," I said, somewhat abruptly and awkwardly breaking the
+conversation short.  "I need to find Lucere."
+
+Fae nodded and pointed off toward the water.  There were a few people lounging
+around.  I figured one of them might be Lucere.
+
+"Thanks," I said, then walked off toward the direction Xela had pointed.
+
+A few people were in my path.  Nobody I recognized, and I'd lost Eilidh on our
+way to the tent.  My thoughts having left my body to find its own way.  I'm
+sure she was somewhere, but I couldn't be sure where.  Maybe she'd be with
+Lucere.
+
+"Hey," a familiar voice greeted, "wasn't expecting to see you here."
+
+I turned to see Tamaki smiling at me and gave her a nod.
+
+"You look lost," she said, notes of sympathy resonating in her voice, "anything
+I can help you with?"
+
+"How'd you recognize me?" I asked, admittedly curious.
+
+"I've got alerts for when implants go into emergency mode," she replied, "I got
+a brief rundown of events, and saw the new avatar that was uploaded to your
+implant."  She paused, noticing the worry on my face.  "Only team members can
+upload new configurations when an implant fails like that, but I still have to
+see what was done in case one of our own in malicious."
+
+"No cause to believe that, I hope," I stated, asking a question really, but not
+wanting to ask that specific question directly.
+
+"We've had a few cases where demimages have been direct threats to team
+members' lives, but never any issues where anyone has uploaded faulty code,"
+she answered, "implants haven't failed all that frequently.  Emergency mode on
+those things only happens once every few years across the whole network."
+
+"Oh," I giggled, "so I really fucked up then."
+
+"Not really," she admitted, "normally the implant can use predictive analysis
+to analyse the DNA structures as their changing, but it appears that your DNA
+isn't registering as," a long pause.
+
+"As what?" I asked, concern pushing that anxiety closer to bursting through the
+copper walls of its boiler.
+
+"Let me preface this by saying you are obviously a living person and we will
+always treat you as such," Tamaki said, a serious face accenting the words,
+"but your DNA no longer appears to be registering as human.  We've had some of
+the genetics experts looking into it, but your DNA has a lot less in common
+with humans and a lot more in common with demons."
+
+"Okay, so I'm no longer even human?" I asked.  I was surprisingly calm about
+this.  On the surface.  Beneath the surface, the boiler popped.  Violently.  If
+I didn't find somewhere to be alone and fast, I'd be a mess in front of all
+these people.
+
+"We're not entirely sure," she admitted, "we're looking into it.  There's a lot
+overlap and a lot of fuzzy stuff.  We're working on it."
+
+"Well fuck," I said in a manically sarcastic tone, "jeez, its not enough to
+dump gender and sexuality in your lap.  Before you've had time to process that,
+let me also dump \emph{humanity} in your lap!  And lets not forget the entire
+fucking concept of \emph{magic}, the rediculously advanced technology that
+you've implanted in my head \emph{without any warnings}, and the fact that you
+definitely forced me to sleep because I was lost in thought!"
+
+Anxiety into rage?  Very atypical.  I'd lost it.  My handle on reality was
+gone.
+

src/main.tex

@@ -133,6 +133,10 @@
 	\textbf{Eilidh:}\newline
 	\subfile{src/chapters/03-b-quicktimeactions}
 
+	\mkchap{0x06}{A New Feeling}{21 July 2158 - 1932}
+	\textbf{Vivian:}\newline
+	\subfile{src/chapters/04-a-newfeeling}
+
 %	Need acknowledgements before enabling this.
 %	\mkack